


We Are The Saviors

by Semi_problematic



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Banishment, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Coming of Age, F/F, F/M, Family Secrets, Fights, Forbidden Love, Hate, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Letters, Lies, M/M, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Romeo and Juliet References, Secret Relationship, Story within a Story, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 06:37:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15504486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: It was the morning of her sixteenth birthday when everything changed. Judith had been carrying a gun since she was a child and she could kill walkers with her eyes closed, but no amount of training or protection could prepare her for this. She had an older brother named Carl who died when she was only three. Desperate to learn more about her brother Judith digs deeper into Carls life. No one will tell her anything about him. Not Daryl or Maggie or Rick, so Judith decides to go to the man Carl mentions in his letter.Negan.





	We Are The Saviors

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! No, I'm not dead and I'm not leaving the fandom. Last week I went on vacation and then when I got home I started this which took a few days.

Sunshine drew patterns across Judith's room as she laid in her bed in a half asleep daze. It was hard for her to sleep that night. She tossed and turned as the moon made its way across the sky before finally laying down on her side, defeated. Excitement pumped on her veins but she was still exhausted. The day before she had returned from a supply run that was a week and a half mission. Rick insisted that she didn't need to go, but she ignored it. She wanted to go. To contribute to Alexandria the way her father had for years. 

Rick wanted her to stay because it was her official unofficial birthday. No one really knew the day she was born. Rumor has it that in the jail she was born in an inmate had worked to keep track of the days, but not even that was accurate. Birthdays were hardly celebrated anymore. The only ones people really focused on were children's and sadly, being sixteen still meant she was a child, no matter what she argued. Her birthday was always celebrated after the last snow, around when spring began. Rick said it was somewhere between January and March but the information was useless. No one knew the day, let alone the month. They didn't have time to worry about those things either.

Apparently, before the world crashed and burned into the shit hole it is now, holidays were common. They had set dates, not just vague plans based around weather. Thanksgiving was every third Thursday of November and Christmas was December twenty fifth. Now they were guessed. Christmas was celebrated after the first snow. Thanksgiving was celebrated after the first leaves fall. Halloween is celebrated four weeks after Thanksgiving, give or take a few days. Judith always kept track, but the other adults didn't. Zombies were more important than holidays, but the children, including her, needed those holidays. Holidays meant a day where they didn't have to be adults. They could slip away and bask in the happiness, even if it only lasted a day.

For the most part, though, they co-existed with the zombies, well, walkers. In books and movies she was able to snag from libraries the walking dead were always called zombies. Walkers were just the name everyone else had given them. Michonne said that zombies made it sound fake, like they were in a movie. Walkers reminded them that it was real, horrifying. Judith disagreed. The walking dead were terrifying no matter the name given to them. 

Judith rolled onto her back and closed her eyes, sighing. Sleeping was pointless. The clock on her nightstand read 7:06 in bright red lights and it was just another reason for her to stay awake. Carol told her that her sixteenth birthday would be one of her most important and that had put her on edge. Birthdays were exciting, filled with celebration and presents. And yes, sweet sixteens used to be a big deal. But Carol wouldn't be the one to say that to her. She was too hard for all the "normal" things. Daryl said that the apocalypse changed Carol into the woman that was always there. Her husband just made sure the real her never showed. 

Judith wondered what it was like for the old world to be considered normal. Walkers were her normal. Shooting a gun at six and skinning a deer at seven was her normal. Running for her life and living behind walls never made her think twice. The idea that people could live and roam freely, only worrying about the other humans seemed terrifying. Walkers were predictable. Humans were not. Judith had heard enough stories to know that if she was afraid of anyone it needed to be humans. Judith rubbed her eyes and shook her head, starting to think about her birthday again. She didn't like to think about the world before, the world she missed out on too much, it made her sad.

Rick always made a big deal out of her birthdays. He said in this world, the new world, every day should be a celebration of survival. Judith thought it was dumb but Rick also adapted. He lost Lori and a lot of their friends. Glenn. Abraham. And a few more names that were lost in her brain. He was there in the beginning. He got to know the normal world and the world now. He went from worrying about getting to work on time to worrying about surviving the night. Her father was strong and loving and if he wanted to make a big deal out of her birthdays than he could. This one just felt different. Everyone had been looking at her weird, like she was a ticking time bomb, but maybe she was just reading into it. 

Maggie had sat her down and given her a talk about honor. She showed Judith her fathers pocket watch and explained that carrying it symbolized love and honor to not only her father but to Glenn, the man who received the watch from Maggie's dad. Daryl taught her about surivival. How to fight off walkers and how to handle other suviors they run into, as if that was a problem anymore. Michonne had been extra protective and Rick had been extra loving. They were all treating her different, more intense, and it was putting her on edge.

A soft knock on the door pulled Judith from her thoughts. She shifted around in the bed, the springs squeaking underneath her weight. She brushed her hair behind her ear and pulled her sheets over her pajamas. "Come in," She called, propping herself up on her elbow. "I've been up for hours anyway." She sighed the last part, shaking her head, still feeling drowsy and exhausted. Possibly even more exhausted than she felt the day before. 

The door crept open and Michonne peeked her head inside. "Good morning." She beamed. Rick said Michonne used to never smile, but now it seemed like all she did. Judith was glad she got to see a time where Michonne would smile again. She was truly beautiful when she would grin. "Your father has all your friends downstairs-" She sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Even my girlfriend?" Judith asked, sitting up straight. "Please tell me-" 

"Shes down there, too. Along with Maggie and Daryl and Carol. Everyones down there. He said you deserved a surprise party-" 

"At seven thirty in the morning?" Judith was grinning. She loved her father, she really did, but sometimes he did the strangest of things.

"What can I say," Michonne laughed, "he is a very impatient man." She reached out and brushed some of Judiths hair behind her ear. "They're finishing things up. Wrapping presents. Setting up all the breakfast. They've been going at it for hours-"

"Of course they have." Judith covered her face with her hands, groaning. The one thing about not being able to celebrate holidays at the exact same time every year meant whenever there was a birthday or holiday, the people of Alexandria went all out. "Could this not wait until noon? Even five?"

"I guess not." Michonne was still laughing. "I tried to talk them out of it but it was no use. They are convinced it must happen this morning." She leaned back against the small frame at the end of her bed, crossing her arms. "Anyway, this was supposed to be a surprise, but I didn't think you would want to be drug downstairs in your pajamas with messy hair and unbrushed teeth." 

"You were very, very right." Judith swung the blankets off of her body and climbed off of the bed, brushing her hair behind her back. "Thanks for the warning."

"Don't mention it." Michonne winked and nudged her, climbing off of the bed. "I'm gonna go down and tell them I couldn't get you up. I'll come back up in five and "wake you up" again. So don't get too dressy." 

"I won't." Judith picked up her brush off of her nightstand and began to brush out all of the knots and tangles embedded in her hair. She walked up and down the length of her room, stopping when Michonne was about to leave the room. "Michonne?"

"Yeah?" Michonne replied, looking over her shoulder at Judith. 

"Is there actually a reason they want this early?" Judith looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. "Last time dad got me up this early was because he wanted to spend the day teaching me to drive. Then the time before that it was teaching me how to use a cross bow. I really don't think there's anything left to teach me." She dropped her hands to her sides, looking back at Michonne.

"That," Michonne drug out the word. She tapped her finger nails against the door frame of the door, smirking. "Is a surprise." She walked out of the room, closing the door behind her, her footsteps continuing down the wall. 

Judith set her brush down and walked towards her window, pulling the curtains open and unlocking the window. The windowsill shook as she yanked the window open, a cool spring breeze sending shivers down her spine. Judith walked away from the window and picked up her brush again, brushing out the remaining tangled hair. 

What was the surprise? She knew how to drive and fight, Daryl even went over the basics with her a few days ago. She knew how to cook and clean, how to make a fire and put it out and how to hunt animals and even humans. There was nothing left to be taught. Was he giving her something? Her own car to replace the beat up barely white van she had been driving. That wouldn't take up the entire day, though. What was the secret? And why couldn't Michonne just tell her? Michonne always told her those things to mentally prepare her. Judith hated surprises. 

The brush clicked against the wooden table as Judith set it down and made her way towards her closet. There was no door to keep it closed, but there was a pole and a curtain to help cover it up. Her closet was split into three different sections. Fancy. Casual. Beyond the walls. Fancy was filled with flowing dresses and skirts, along with dress shirts and pants. Casual had jeans, shorts, and sweats along with unstained shirts and sweat shirts. Beyond the walls were closed that had been stained beyond recognition on blood, guts, and sweat. Pretty self explanatory, but beyond the walls were the clothes she would wear when she needed to scavenge or take care of a herd that were headed their way. 

She chewed on her cheek, tilting her head to the side and running her fingers across the different colors and patterns before her fingers stopped on a swaater. Judith pulled the sweater off of the hanger and looked down at it, smiling. It was soft and cherry red with no design on it. Simple but cute. She laid the sweater on her bed and walked towards her closet once more, grabbing a pair of light jeans off of the hanger. She tossed the jeans onto her bed before pulling off her shirt. Judith pulled open the top drawer of her dresser and pulled out a white bra, pulling it on and adjusting the straps.  

Judith was small, but Michonne always said she was petite. Judith didn't like being described as either. Throughout her life far too many people have underestimated her strength because she wasn't tall or muscular. Judith had muscles, she could take at least two thirds of Alexandria in a wrestling match without a problem. Her body was just built different. She looked thin and frail. Carol always said that was a good thing. No one would take her serious which could give her the upper hand. Still, having all the people they run into treat her like a breakable little thing pissed her off. 

Her hair fell across her shoulders as Judith pulled off her sweat pants underwear, picking up a black pair of boxers and sliding them up and over her thin hips. She looked like her mother. Thin arms and legs. Small hips and a flat stomach. Her bones showed in almost every part of her body. Lori looked good when she was thin. She wasn't fighting walkers and building things like Judith was.  

Judith stared at herself in the mirror for a moment, taking a deep breath. Part of this never seemed real. Her existence. The world around her. The blur of the old world amd the new one. It was strange. She was growing up when dead people roam the earth but also being told about how different it was. It felt like she spent most of her lige mourning something she never experienced. Daryl said it would be easier to grow up during this, but Judith disagreed. When you adapt you have a world to miss, a world to cling to, a world to base your hope off of. But when you are born into a living hell you have nothing. 

Judith took a deep breath and turned away from her mirror, walking back towards her bed. She pulled on the red sweater, smiling at the comfort that wrapped around her. She was real. She was alive. As she tucked her hands behind her neck and brushed her hair out from under her sweater, a small knock tapped against her door.

"You got a few minutes," Michonne muttered from behind the door. "Everyone's offically here." The creaking of the wooden floor signaled that she was walking away without a reply. 

Judith swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to force away the anxiety. This was going to be okay. People always acted weird when they had secrets, that could explain everyone's weird behavior. The discussion of honor and protection. Maybe Rick was giving her his gun to carry. Thats why he wanted everyone around. It wasn't a big deal, she was just over thinking it, like everything else. "Okay." She called back in reply. "I'll be down in a second." 

Judith picked up her jeans and slid them on, buttoning them and zipping them up without a second thought. She stuffed her feet into her worn out combat boots and leaned down, lacing them up and tying them. Judith turned back towards her mirror, studying herself. She looked good. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders and back in subtle waves and her sweater made her eyes pop. She was ready, physically anyway. There was still a nagging anxiety in the back of her mind that made her stomach do flips. 

Judith took a deep breath and turned away from her mirror, walking towards the door. She might as well get it over with. It was going to be okay, there was no use in worrying. She curled her fingers around the door knob and twisted it, pulling her door open. She peeked out into the barely lit hallway and looked around. There was no one on either end, which relaxed her. 

The wooden floorboards groaned beneath her weight as she made her way down the hallway. Before she made it to the stairs, Judith stopped and looked at the room across the hall from her own. In all of her life she could never remember a day where she saw it open. When she was younger she used to question it. Why it was always closed and why Rick and Michonne could open it but she couldn't. But after years of begging to see inside, she finally gave up. She was stubborn but Michonne was even more so. Judith studied the door to the room then the big lock that could only be opened with a key. Whatever was in there, Rick certainly didn't want her seeing it. 

Judith shook her head, clearing the thoughts from her mind as she put her hand on the railing and began to walk down the stairs. Quiet chatter filled the air along with the smell of bacon, eggs, biscuits, muffins, and any other breakfast food the group had wanted to cook. It felt like every person in Alexandria was going to be there, but that was far from true. Only Ricks closest friends and family, along with her own friends would be there for this. That didn't calm her nerves, though. 

"She's here," Rick cheered when Judith stepped off that final step. He wrapped a too tight arm around Judith and pulled her into a hug she could barely breathe in. "Happy birthday, darling," Rick whispered, pressing a kiss to her head. "I love you so, so much." She could hear the crack in his voice. He pulled away and took a deep breath. "I won't embarrass you too much, now. After all Daniella is here-" 

"Dad," Judith swatted him in the arm. "Shut up. We've been dating for seven months, if she isn't used to you she won't ever be." She smiled at him before pulling Rick into a hug. "I love you." She whispered, kissing his cheek. She turned and smiled when she saw Michonne. "Thanks," She whispered when she passed her, taking her hand. 

"Its nothing." Michonne replied with a smile, pulling Judith into a side hug. "Go say hi to everyone else, though. You live with us, we can torture you with love and affection whenever we want." She pulled away and pinched Judiths cheek, laughing. 

Maggie was the next person she saw, welcoming her with open arms. "You grew up so fast," She whispered, cupping Judiths cheeks. "Gosh..." She pulled away, glancing at her son. "Sorry, I'm probably embarrassing him-"

"You aren't." Judith replied. Maggie was the one that helped her mother give birth to her. She was the one who held her close and got her to safety. Judith could never hate Maggie. They had a bond and if Judith was being honest, Maggie was the closest person she had to a mother. Michonne was amazing, but she was more like a sister. A best friend. "I love you," She smiled, "thank you for coming."  

"I wouldn't miss it." Maggie smiled, picking up a small box off of the counter. She handed it to Judith, rubbing her arm. "You can open this whenever, but I wanted you to have it."

"Thank you." Judith set the box back down on the counter, rushing towards her group of friends in the living room. She was almost across the threshold when someone grabbed her back of the shirt and jerked her back.

"Where are you running off to?" Daryl leaned against the door frame, smirking. "Happy birthday, Judy," He rubbed the top of her head before pulling out a small box, one similar to the one Maggie gave her. "Happy birthday little aas kicker."

Judith opened the box, holding back a smile. A present from Maggie wasn't unusual. Maggie treated her like her own daughter. But a present from Daryl, a present that was wrapped, is a really big deal. Inside of the box was a small necklace with the letter "J" dangling off the silver chain. "Thanks, Daryl, I love it." She closed the box and wrapped her arms around Daryl, holding him tight. 

"Its nothing," Daryl nudged her off, glancing over at her friends who were glancing over at them every few seconds. "Go talk to them. They're a million times more interesting."

Judith flashed him one more smile before stepping into the living room. Her friends were crowded around one of the opened windows, sipping at their cups of orange and apple juice.  For a moment Judith forgot how early it really was. "Hey," she grinned, looking between all of them. She took Daniella's hand and brushed some of her braids behind her back, kissing her cheek. "You look beautiful."

Daniella looked up at her with big brown eyes and a wide smile. She was wearing a yellow sun dress with white flowers sprinkled across the fabric. She took Judith's other hand and squeezed it, standing up on her toes and kissing her. "I'm the one that should be complimenting you," She kissed her again. "Its your birthday."

"I know, I know, but I can't help it." Judith pressed their foreheads together, smiling down at her. "You look really good in yellow." 

"You say that about every color," Daniella bit her lip and looked Judith up and down before leaning up towards her ear. She kissed beneath her ear and pulled Judith close. "I have a little surprise planned for you later on tonight, so don't make any other plans. Got it?"

With dark red cheeks, Judith nodded. "Okay." She whispered, looking at her other friends. "Hey." She repeated, nervously running her fingers through her hair. "How is everyone?"

"Gagging." Kevin grumbled. He had hair like his father, Glenn, but he had the eyes of his mother. Maggie once said that if Glenn was around after Kevin was born he would've insisted Kevin was a carbon copy if him. Maggie said she would've agreed. Judith assumed it would be painful to have a child that looked like the person you loved the most, but Maggie said it was comforting. That it was a new start for her to make things better, that it was a second chance. "Cool it with the love fest, okay?" 

"Shut up." Judith grinned, playing with his hair. "You and Bridget kiss on each other all the time." She leaned agsinst the wall and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "You got a present for me?" 

"Yeah," Kevin groaned, a slight blush on his cheeks. Bridget and him were only fourteen and the most they had ever done was kiss and hold hands but it was cute. They still got shy about it. He pulled out a long, thin box, handing it to her. "You don't gotta  open it. Its just new paint brushes." 

"Way to ruin the surprise, Kev." Xander scoffed. "Geez, at least let her open it. Thats the fun part." He elbowed Judith and smiled at her. "Happy birthday, brat." He picked up a book off of the coffee table and handed it too her. "Got it from the library a few hours away. Its all about animals and shit."

"Are you really lecturing me on telling her my gift?" Kevin argued. "You didn't even wrap yours." He walked towards Xander, slapping his chest. "My present has more meaning-" 

"Boys, boys," Daniella stepped between them. "Both of your presents sucked compared to mine so theres no need to even argue." She opened her bag and pulled out a small box, one bigger than the one Maggie had given her.  "I made it myself so it may not be the best-" 

"Come on," Kevin sighed. "You know she loves everything you do so don't say that. You could give Judith a paper and she would hang it up on her wall-" 

Judith grinned, nodding. She glanced at Bridget who stood a few feet away from Kevin. She didn't talk much. Her older sister Jo said shes always been like that ever since she was born. Judith always wondered if Bridget would talk if there weren't dead people walking the earth. 

"Yeah, little man has a point," Xander rested his elbow on Kevin's shoulder causing Kevin to shove it off. "Judith is whipped on you, sweetheart."  

"I think its cute," Bridget all but whispered. "Kevin never does that kind of stuff for me, he needs to take some notes."

"Damn, buddy," Xander always acted like an older brother towards Kevin. Always busting his balls and giving him shit. "Trouble in paradise."

Judith rolled her eyes and opened up the box, setting the lid on the table beside her. She hooked her finger around a thick cloth and pulled it out of the box, gasping. It was a bracelet with a rough leather/cloth mix as the chain and hooked around it was a wooden charm in the shape of a heart. Judith gasped and quickly slipped on the bracelet before wrapping her arms around Daniella. "I love it." She whispered, kissing her cheek. "Its amazing."  

Dani kissed her chin and smiled up at her. Her hair framed her face perfectly and her long lashes fluttered each time she blinked. Judith always forgot how to breath while looking at her, ever since they met Judith had been enamored by her beauty. She didn't think there would ever be a day where she wasn't shocked by it. "I'm glad. It took a lot of trail and error... a whole lot of error." She laughed and it was beautiful. Everything she did was.

"Its perfect." Judith said with a smile. "Michonne said everyone was here. Where's Kelsey and James?" 

"Its a secret." Kevin sighed. "They said they would come by with your present later-" 

"Which translates to they forgot to get me one so now they're making a trip down to one of the town's to try and find me one." Judith shook her head, laughing. She adored them, she really did, but when James and Kelsey got together it was a disaster. "I'm gonna go say hi to everyone else. Come and find me if they get here." Judith kissed Dani's cheek. "Love you." 

The entire house was filled with warmth. The kitchen and living room were packed. Some were eating breakfast while others were cooking second rounds or talking. It was nice. For a moment it felt like one of the parties Judith had seen in the movies. No one was worried about the walkers or if there would be enough food for them in a month. The atmosphere was light and carefree. Perfect. 

Carol stood by the front door, looking out it nervously. Rick always said Carol wasn't always this on edge, but the years and the struggles had chipped away at her. Judith wished she could relax for once. To have the weight of the world lifted off her shoulders. She spoke as soon as she saw Judith. "Your mother would be proud." 

Judith smiled, wrapping her arms around Carol. "You think?" Talking about Lori always felt as if she had forgotten her all together. People would just remind her who her mother was and Judith had to put the pieces together.

"I know." Carol was never one to be sappy or sweet, so this was a big deal. "You are strong and smart, just like her. She loved her kids so much-"

Judith froze. "Kids?" She tilted her head to the side. "I thought I was the only baby my mom had."

"You were." Maggie's voice filled the air. "Carol just must have slipped up." She smiled but it was force. "Judy, why don't you go talk to Eugene-" 

"No. She doesn't have to go." Carol said coldly. "I will. I need to get to work anyway." She tugged the front door open and stepped out of it, slamming it behind her in a swift motion.

"Whats with he-"

"Nothing." Maggie didn't let Judith finish her sentence. "She lost her child, shes probably just upset and missing her." Maggie rubbed Judiths arms before kissing her forehead. "Theres still a lotta people to see, go on." She nudged Judith towards the dining room before disappearing into the crowd.

Judith didn't have time to worry about Carol as she made her way through the dining room. Tara and her girlfriend Emma were standing in the corner, a brown bag in Tara's hand. "Is that for me?" Judith grinned as she walked up, hugging both of them.

"It is." Tara grinned, handing her the bag. "It took weeks and weeks to find, but it was worth it. I know how much you love this kinda stuff."

"Oh," Judith unfolded the top of the bag and looked down in it, gasping. "Oh my gosh? You found it?" 

"Yeah." Emma glanced at Tara. "Searched through five different libraries before finding one that wasn't for kids."

Inside the bag was a book titled "The Forever Winding Universe" in bold white letters. On the cover were many different stars and planets in various shapes and sizes. The book was thick, easily two hundred to three hundred pages. Judith had been looking for a book like this for months, but all of them seemed to have been taken prior. That didn't make sense to Judith, really. Who would be stealing books from the library? Especially ones about space? She didn't dwell on it for long, though. Most of reality hardly made sense anymore.

"Thank you both so much, oh my gosh." Judith closed the book and wrapped her arms around the two girls again, hugging them tight. "I can't believe you spent so much time looking for it-"

"Its nothing." Tara said. "Its your birthday and you deserve it. Just make sure you give me an epic present at Christmas. Deal?" She extended her hand, her smile wide.

Judith took her hand in a tight grip and shook it. "Deal."

She held the bag tight as she made her way through the rest of the dining room. Eugene sat at the table, a small plate of food in front of him. Next to him was a globe that was covered in dust and nearly faded. Judith figured that was his gift to her considering she never shut up about learning everything there was to know about the world. The kids got school in Alexandria, but it was never the stuff Judith cared for. It was all surivival and hunting and self defense. She wanted to learn about the planets and the sky and the earth. Sadly, if she wanted to know any of that she would have to teach herself. 

"Hey." Judith sat down in a chair next to Eugene, flashing him a smile. "You know, sometimes I think you're the only sane one here. Everyone else is walking around with their plates in their hands and well-" She gestured towards Eugene. "You're using the table."

"I wouldn't call that sanity, I would call that mindfulness. Everyone else is wasting resources." Eugene shook his head. "A good seventy five percent of the people in this house enjoy making their life harder than it needs to be."

"Amen." Judith laughed, nudging him. "I'm glad you came. I know parties aren't really your thing. When I threw you one you left it."

"You were ten years old and it was pony themed. I wasn't feeling the birthday wishes."

"Good point," Judith tapped her fingers on the table. "I'm still glad you came. You were my best friend growing up." Eugene always taught her things. From small science experiments to how to cook certain things. He knew she wasn't into the hunting and fighting everyone else was into. She was into the science, the knowledge of surivival, not the actions.

"I can accept that I am no longer your best friend, but I still better be on that list." He pushed the globe towards her, smiling when she nodded. "Happy birthday." 

"Thank you." Judith ruffled his hair and made her way out of the dining room and into the kitchen. She stepped around the island, wrapping her arms around Aaron and hugging him tight. "Hey."

"Hey." Aaron replied happily. He twisted around in her grip and wrapped his arms around her. "I got pancake batter on my hands so be careful." 

"I will." Judith pulled away and smiled, using her thumb to swipe off some batter that had landed on Aarons cheek during mixing. "The food smells amazing. I can't imagine how long you've been cooking-"

"I can." Jesus smiled, leaning down past Judith and pecking Aarons lips. "Hes been here since three and for some reason he felt the need to drag me along."

"I bribed him." Aaron laughed, pecking his lips once more. "I told him I would cook chicken Alfredo for a whole week if he came over and helped me." 

Jesus walked around Judith and gave her a one armed hug before pulling open the refrigerator and grabbing a large glass halfway filled with orange juice. He set it on the counter and picked up a small glass, pouring himself a glass. "What can I say?" He grinned. "I'm easy." 

"I wouldn't go around bragging about that." Judith giggled. "But thanks again for cooking all of this. And thank you Jesus for sacrificing your sleep for me." 

"Wheres the birthday girl?" Kelsey called as she stepped into the house. She peeked into the hallway, smiling when she saw Judith. "There she is." She walked towards her, wrapping her arms around Judith, picking her up and spinning her around. "I have a present, but its outside. And its delicate. And it goes with James' gift but it was very unintentional."

"I figured." Judith grinned, taking her hand and walking outside. The air was cooler outside and the sun was barely peeking out over the tops of the trees. It was calm. People were changing shifts, waking up and going to bed. She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered some, stepping off of the deck. "So... where is it?"  

"Damn, you're impatient." Kelsey brushed her hair behind her ear, walking down the sidewalk towards her car. It was a silver four door, but it was impossible to tell the color considering that the paint was chipping and most of the car was stained a light crimson color from all the blood. She opened up the trunk and pulled out one canvas. "I got you about ten little ones and ten big ones Its hard to find ones that aren't all ugly and messed up from the weather. But I also got you paper to practice painting on." 

Judith covered her mouth with her hands, hiding her wide smile. She had always loved finger painting as a child but now that she was getting older she was focusing more on painting things like the forest or the sky. It was almost impossible for her to find anything to paint on, though. She went through the painting and drawing tablets within months. "I love it..." She whispered. "I've been begging Daryl and Xander to look for some but-"

James climbed out of the car, two plastic bags in hand. "Yeah, well, we kinda beat them to it." He held the bags up next to his head and smiled at her. "These are different colors and types of paint. They've all been opened because I needed to see what ones dried out and what ones hadn't." 

Judith ran towards them, wrapping her arms around them and hugging them tight. "Did you guys know you're the best?" She pulled away and took a few steps back, glancing between the two. 

They looked at each other before looking back at her and saying: "Yeah, we know." 

Back inside was much warmer causing Judith to relax in seconds and drop her hands to her sides once more. She wondered around the house, James and Kelsey going over to Kevin and the others to talk. This party wasn't the kind of one she would have with her friends, but her father probably insisted on inviting them since turning sixteen was such a big deal. Well, used to be a big deal. 

Rosita stood in the corner, staring down at her cup. As Judith got closer she looked up and smirked. "There you are. I was starting to think I suffered through this family reunion for nothing." She wrapped her arms around Judith and pulled her into a hug. Rosita was Judiths first crush and it was painfully embarrassing. Thankfully, Rosita and her were able to become friends and look past Judiths awkward, stalker like crush. 

"Its not that bad." Judith laughed, pulling away. "Its nice having everyone in here. We're normally so busy and working different shifts and jobs. Its rare stuff like this happens."

"I've never been one to like things like this." Rosita replied, shrugging. "Never had a family before this." Abraham told Rosita when they broke up that he thought she was the only girl in the world. Judith couldn't believe he broke up with her. A girl like Rosita made you only want her, made you feel like she wasn't the only girl left but the only girl you want. "Made you something." She pulled out a small leather necklace with a piece of wire clinging to the leather band. Wrapped inside of the leather wire was a blue rock that caught light in every direction. "Your favorite color is blue, isn't it?" 

Without a second thought Judith wrapped her arms around Rosita and held her tight. She would be lying if she said her heart wasn't racing from the gift. Rosita was never one to do those kinds of things and the small part of Judith that still adored her couldn't help but burst with joy. Judith pulled away and smiled, taking the necklace from her hands and slipping it over her head. "Thank you." 

"Its nothing." Rosita said, staring into her cup. One day, Judith hoped that Rosita wouldn't feel alone when she was in a room full of people. 

Gabriel was sitting on the couch, nervously shifting around. He always seemed to feel out of place if he wasn't in the church. But in his hands was a small rosary with faded pink beads. What Judith assumed was her present. She had never been very religious, there wasn't much room for it, but she didn't mind Gabe. He was kind and always tried his best even if his best wasn't good enough. Plus, Gabe gave many people hope and Judith could never hate someone who gave people such a valuable thing. 

"Father," Judith smiled, sitting down next to him. "Thank you for coming. I know you had something at the church planned but-" 

"God wants me to love everyone." Gabe replied. Judith tried to ignore his ass kissing tendencies although it was hard, very hard. "Especially his children. I wouldn't have missed this for the world." 

"You're too sweet." Judith looked down at her lap before looking back up at Gabe. She always had a hard time carrying a conversation with him. They were very different people.  

"This is for you." Gabe pressed the rosary into the palm of her hands before smiling. "The church and I spent days on figuring out what to give you before finally settling on that."

"Its beautiful." Judith stared down at each of the beads, rolling them between her finger tips. She wasn't sure on what to do with it but she wasn't going to dwell on it. She knew one thing for sure. Do. Not. Wear. It. When she opened her mouth up to speak someone else cut her off. 

"Hows the princess of Alexandria doing?" In front of them stood Dani, her dress flowing just above her knees. "Hi, Gabe." Unlike Judith, Daniella was very religious. She said it ran in her family and that when they were alive her family constantly read the Bible. When Dani was twelve Judith found her and brought her home. Her family had been killed weeks prior and Rick agreed to take her in. 

"I am not the princess." Judith leaned up and pecked her lips. "But I'm good. Really good." She took Dani's hand and held it tight, looking around the room. The excitement had began to calm down, different conversations filling the air. It eas peaceful and warm. "There is someone else I need to find, though, so I will be right back." 

Standing on the front pourch, sipping coffee from a mug was Siddiq. He was busy tending to a few people either sick and injured from supply runs, but he still managed to find time to come see Judith. When he heard the front door open he turned around and smiled at her. "Hey," He smiled. "I gotta make it quick but I wasn't going to miss out on saying happy birthday to you."   

When Judith was eleven years old she broke her arm while riding her bike. Not only did she break it but she also took it upon herself to snap it back into place. Needless to say, Siddiq had to check on her a lot which gave them even more time to get to know each other. They both liked the same books and were interested in the same types of things so it was nice. Judith always felt out of place compared to all the other kids. They focused on surviving and she focused on learning.  

"I hope you didn't get me anything." Judith looked down at the wooden panels beneath her feet. All but a few matched. When she was just a child Alexandria was attacked with bombs and guns. Rick said that the house got hit a few times. That must have been one of the places. "You've already saved my ass more than enough times."

"I would have but I'm stuck here. All of Daryls men think they are just as strong as him and they always get their ass beat." He shook his head, chuckling. "This year can be the year where I say all of those times were actually a present." He looked up at the sky. "Its no problem though, I am here to help people." He looked to the ground, biting his lip. "He would've wanted me to help you."

"Who?" Judith asked, leaning against the railing.

Siddiq cleared his throat and started to walk off of the front porch. "No one." He looked back at her and smiled. "Happy birthday!" 

He was gone before she had time to question it. 

By eleven o'clock everyone had left, including Aaron and Jesus who insisted on staying and cleaning up their mess as if they didn't just cater to half the town. The house was silent as Judith sat on the couch. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, it almost never was. Despite the house being empty, she still felt love and warmth floating through the air. She was lucky to have such a good father and so many good people around her. Judith would never trade this for the world. It was her home.

"Rick," Michonne whispered from the kitchen. There was an edge to her voice. "Its now or never. You need to do it." What were they talking about? "Go. She needs to hear this. I will not let you put it off any longer." 

"I will." There was the sound of feet shuffling then heavy foot steps. "Judith?" Rick called. Papers crumpled in his hands as he walked into the living room. He smiled at her, but there was sadness in his eyes. Her stomach tied itself in knots as he came closer. "Sweetheart, I have something to give you. I want you to read it, then ask me questions, okay? Michonne and I are going to be outside so you can have your space." He handed her the note and made his way to the door. 

"Wait." Judith called, looking over at Rick. "What is thi-"

"Read it." Rick replied, his hand touching the door knob. "Read it then come talk to me. I... you need to know whats inside, okay?" 

Reluctantly, Judith swallowed her pride and nodded, giving into her fathers orders. She looked down at the paper, jumping when the front door closed. A thick silence filled the air, one filled with secrets and anxiety. 

On the envelope she held was her name. Only her name written in messy handwriting. She slid her thumb beneath the folds of the paper and tore the top open, fighting the thoughts she had. The thoughts to leave the envelope closed or to drop it and run. Something told her there was no avoiding this though. She might as well read it on her own terms. She pulled out old, faded papers and unfolfed them, frowning when she saw a letter addressed to her inside.

The letter read: 

"Judith,

I don't know when you will be reading this or if you ever will, but there is a lot I need to say, so whether I am speaking to you or a void, I am going to say it. 

You are three years old right now and we have spent almost every day together since you were born. I have taught you how to walk and crawl and how to speak. Your first steps were you walking towards me. Your first word was my name. I show you the different stars every night and read you stories. You probably don't remember any of that, which hurts, but you were only a child. I just wanted to tell you. I wanted you to know that I was there every moment I could be because I loved you. 

Not only do you not remember those memories, but I doubt you remember me, so I guess I need to explain that too. I am Carl. Your big brother. I'm sixteen and I am dying. A few days ago I got bit going to see someone I love and I haven't told anyone. Not even in a letter. So I guess you're the first person to know. But I'm your big brother. 

I don't want you feeling bad for not remembering me, then again I don't want you feeling bad ever. You gave me hope during all of this. No matter how scary or hard it was, whenever you smiled up at me I remembered that this wasn't the end, but only the beginning. We just got done playing with finger paint, which you seemed to love doing considering once we were done putting our hand prints on the front porch you smeared paint all over my face. But thats okay because you looked cute doing it. 

Dad says that you got me wrapped around your finger and I guess you do, but I don't mind it. I just want you happy and safe. I gotta admit I'm not really afraid of dying. I'm afraid of leaving you behind. Dad tries his best, but he wants to save everyone. You gotta stop letting him do that. Let him try and save himself. If he wants to give happiness he has to have it first. Make sure he has it. You may not always agree with him, but he loves you and he wants you happy. Don't ever let him go a day without hearing "I love you", he needs it. 

I'm heartbroken that I will never get to see you do so many things. I will never get to see you go on your first date or take down your first walker. I will never see you make your first mistake. I will never get to see all your high highs and your low lows. I just hope its good. I hope you make every mistake and fix them too. I hope you make every minute count and I hope that whenever someone hurts you dad kicks their ass just because I can't. I hope you get to be a child and don't have to grow up too fast. I hope you spend more days living in happiness and less days living in fear.

I don't know what this letter is for. Its not a goodbye like everyone elses. You don't know me. This is more of a hello in a way. So, hello, I love you and I want you to always listen to dad. Unless you disagree. Sometimes not listening to him can be the best thing ever. Sometimes it can be the worst. But thats the best part. Because no matter how many times you mess up and ignore his rules, he will still love you. He will be happy to see you. And he will never yell. (Too much.) 

I don't know how the world will be when you grow up but I hope its better. I hope you are living peacefully with the people around you... if there are people around you. When I was alive there were the Saviors and the people in the Hilltop. There was also a Kingdom, but I don't know much about them. I hope the Saviors are still around. Dad doesn't like them and I don't blame him, they aren't the best people, but there aren't really any good people, at least, not by the old definition.

Negan is the man in charge. He killed our people, but we killed his first. I wanted to kill him. I watched him kill my friends so I wouldn't second guess killing him. But I did anyway. He showed me around and talked to me. Its easy to forget people are just trying to survive, I guess. Negan had power and when he was with his people he was kind. I wonder if dad looks the same way to other people. 

Negan wants us gone. Or to belong to him. I know he wants dad gone. They hate each other, Judy. I never thought two humans could hate each other that much. We've been fighting for months. Only two, maybe three, but dads not backing down. I want both of them to. I want us to live in peace. But neither of them want to try. They don't want to work together or back down. One wants to see the other lose. And I hate it. 

I got bit going to see Negan. Dad doesn't know I sneak off to see him but I do. Its like a twisted Romeo and Juliet, except I'm the one dying and it isn't out of love or glory. Its out of stupidity. I love him and I love dad and I won't pick. I want this to be over. I don't want any more death or destruction. This isn't a world with war between humans, its a war with the dead. They need to see that, I hope in the world you live in now they see that.

I love you. I love you a lot. And I know dad does too. But don't be afraid of doing what you think is right. I've done it and sometimes I'm wrong and sometimes I'm right, but you have the freedom to make your own choices and make your own map. Don't be afraid. I will be there for you.

Love, Carl." 

Judith stared down at the paper in her hands, shaking her head. This couldn't be true. Why would her father hide these things? Rick never said his name, not once. Neither did Michonne or anyone else. Why is Carl such a secret? Judith took a deep breath and stood up, walking towards the front door. Questions buzzed throughout her head, her stomach aching and her head spinning. There was a chunk of her life missing and she never knew. No one ever bothered to tell her. It made no sense. 

With a shaky hand Judith curled her fingers around the door knob and twisted it. The town buzzed but Judith seemed to stand still. It was unfair that her life was being altered but no one elses was. Why was it so easy for them to hide his existence? Did she have other people she didn't know exist? She swallowed the lump in her throat and fought to hold back the tears in her eyes. It was too much and too little all at once.

Michonne offered her a small smile as she stood up and walked towards her. "Judith, I have no idea how you're feeling but please give your father a chance to explain." She took Judiths hands. "Please." 

Rick raised his gaze to Judith, his eyes blood shot and red. Why was he crying? He was the one who hid Carl from her all along. He was the one who did this. "Are you ready?"

"Theres no going back." Michonne warned. She was wrong. Judith was already half way there. "Are you sure you want this?" 

Judith felt the world crumbling around her, bits and pieces of her life slowly falling together to create Carl. The reason why her picture of Lori was cut up and missing a piece. The reason Siddiq and Carol acted so weird. There was no going back but Judith wasn't sure she wanted to go back. She didn't want to lose Carl again. With a tight throat and weak legs she nodded. "Yes."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked this. It was gonna include more stuff but if I did chapter one was gonna be like 15k words. Feel free to comment any questions or message me on tumblr @ pretttboygrimes.


End file.
